How To Deal With The Challenges Of Moving Away From Family

Are you preparing to move away from family and friends? Are you anxious about feelings of guilt and grief? Learn more about how moving away from friends and family can actually be beneficial for self-growth!

I have always been quite adventurous and would jump at any opportunity to travel. My nursing education has also led me to move to different areas throughout the State of Georgia. Even with the distance, friends and family were only a few hours away.

I knew that marrying a military man would present different moving opportunities, but little did I know that it would require us to move across the world for an OCONUS assignment.

I have learned so much about myself while living abroad. Being so far away from family and friends brings forth a mixture of emotions and struggles. However, living in Germany has given my family such a unique life experience and an opportunity to shift focus on our little growing family. 

Whether you move away from family for love, marriage, work, or adventure, it can come with many challenges, both internal and external. As a military spouse, I have developed many different coping mechanisms that have really helped me, especially when I am feeling lonely. 

Here are some great tips for preparing loved ones and yourself for moving away from family and friends. 

How to break the news to your friends and family

Breaking the news of your upcoming move to family and friends can be an emotional event for everyone. 

Raising the questions:

How are they going to take it?

Will they be supportive?

Will my family members try to talk me out of it?

Will they harbor any resentment?

How will we manage to move away from our support system?

When my son was 18 months old, we moved to Germany. Many of our family members were supportive, but some voiced concern and anxiety over raising our son so far away and how that could impact their relationship. 

I am writing this post to share my experience, including all of the obstacles we have overcome, with moving away from family with a baby. 

Remember that your loved ones have a right to their feelings, but you are not responsible.

Address any concerns and fears

Many of our family members were excited for us, sharing that moving to a different country would be a fantastic experience for our family. However, we did have some friends and family that were unhappy or fearful.

I found that addressing those concerns and fears head-on was the most helpful. Acknowledge your family’s feelings. Moving far from family can be scary. Let them know how you are feeling about this big decision, and allow yourself to express any concerns you may have about living far from family and friends. 

Be open and honest

Your family is about to embark on a new chapter, an opportunity for a new beginning! Sit down with your loved ones and express your feelings. Be sure to fully express yourself. Give yourself the opportunity to discuss the reasons for this significant change. 

Keep communication open. Providing this safe space for open and honest communication should help provide some understanding of this significant change. 

Give reassurance

There are so many unknowns with an upcoming move, especially when you are moving far from family. You may not have all of the answers, and that is okay. Think of this as a great way to strengthen bonds. 

Acknowledge their concerns and provide reassurance that living away from family does not mean goodbye. 

Reassure them that long-distance relationships can actually be quite strong!

How to feel close when you are far away from family and friends

Celebrate the special occasions

Living far from family and friends can be especially hard over holidays and special occasions, especially when you have young children. Feelings of homesickness can easily creep in. 

Just because there is physical distance does not mean missed celebration opportunities! You will probably feel a mix of emotions, which is okay. 

Keep a calendar and mark down all special events. Find ways to celebrate these special events with your extended family! Send your loved ones a care package with local goodies! A long-distance relationship is likely to strengthen your bond!

Include your loved ones in your own special events through social media or video calls. When I had my baby in Germany, I updated all our close friends and family through video chat. Honestly, it was nice because we were able to share our news, and not have to entertain visitors during that newborn phase!

Related Post Living abroad over the holidays

Make a keepsake box

This is one of my favorite ideas! It doesn’t necessarily need to be a box, just something tangible- any item you consider special! I think this is a great idea if you have young children, and it will help them remember loved ones. Include your kids in making the keepsake box. Here are some great ideas

• A photo album
• A scrapbook
• Favorite articles of clothing
• Momentos

Plan for visits back home and other travel opportunities

Expect visitors

It may be too early to start planning visits, but start the discussion. Consider moving far from family a window for new opportunities and travel! Living overseas, we have had so many family members and friends visit, significantly more than when we moved to a new state. Our visitors have been taking advantage of us living overseas, which has been wonderful!

Plan trips home

As a military spouse, I would often try to visit home when my husband was deployed, especially after having a baby. As a Nurse Practitioner in aesthetics, I didn’t have a lot of flexibility, so my trips were short. 

But the quality time spent with my best friends and family was well worth it.

Living in Germany with two tiny kids, we have yet to make the trip back home, but we have had so many visitors!

Book a trip

This could be one of the best ways to plan a vacation or new adventure! My mom just visited us in Germany, and traveled with us to Rhodes, and then enjoyed a cruise to Venice, Mykonos, and Split! We had such a great time, even with a baby and toddler!

Moving overseas has allowed her and other good friends and family to travel and enjoy new experiences. 

You don’t need to be living overseas to enjoy these experiences!

Stay Connected

As I have grown older, life has become more busy. As a mother with two tiny kids, I struggle to carve out any free time outside our normal routine. Making the time to stay connected takes effort, but it is essential. 

Thankfully, we live in an age where technology truly allows us to connect regardless of distance. What an incredible blessing that is! Here are some of my favorite ways to stay connected to loved ones.

• Exchanging photos on social media
• Zoom and video calls
• Sending surprise gifts
• Keeping a calendar of special days and scheduled dates

Potential negative feelings and coping mechanisms for moving away from family and friends

*I am not a licensed therapist. I do want to share my own coping mechanisms that have been beneficial for me

Anxiety and uncertainty

It can be a difficult decision to move your family, especially if you have children or elderly parents. Questioning whether this move is a good idea can be one of the hardest things to overcome. 

Am I making the right choice?

Will this big move be good for me and my family?

Fear of the unknown can be paralyzing! Even as a military spouse, I still want to have some control, especially with our big move to Germany!

How I managed my anxiety

Accepting that I don’t have control helped me get through this, especially with the OCONUS paperwork. Taking everything in stride, one step at a time. 

Guilt (internal and external)

Internal guilt, the guilt trip that I placed on myself. 

• Feeling guilty for leaving my family and good friends
• Feeling guilty for moving my son across the world
• Not seeing my young nieces and nephews grow up
• The inability to see aging family members

After much time this moving away from family guilt can be all-consuming!

External guilt, the feelings that are placed by others. 

• Your family will have a difficult time being so far away
• Moving so far away is selfish or irresponsible

*Remember, you can’t control how others feel

How I managed the guilt

Being open and honest with myself and others helped me tremendously with my moving away from family guilt. Staying connected with family has alleviated so much stress! I have also found that internal guilt is often temporary.

Grief and sadness

Moving away from family and friends may feel like a loss to you and others. These feelings may catch you off guard when you least expect it. It can be tough for kids to leave their family home. Their home is their comfort zone, their safe space. 

How I managed the grief and sadness of moving away

Sending a message to a girlfriend, calling my mom, or simply looking at photos helps me get out of this funk. Making new friendships can also help!

Moving children takes so much patience. It can be incredibly difficult on them, both for little kids and school-age kids. The adjustment period is not time-limited. Establishing a new routine helps, as does getting them into their own social circles with schools and play dates.

Related Post. Tips for moving with a toddler

Fear

It can be so scary moving. Even as a military spouse, the idea of moving to a new area, new job, and new home can be terrifying. When we received our soft orders for our OCONUS PCS to Germany, I was both excited and terrified. So many thoughts raced through my head.

• Will this be a good location for the kids?
• Will I be able to continue with my career?
• Will I be okay with taking a break from my career?
• Will this new location be a good fit for my family?
• Will we be able to have another baby?
• Will we be okay with moving far from family and friends?
• As a mom of a young child, will I have the emotional support network with other mommas?

Managing the fear of living away from family

My list of concerns and fears could go on, especially with an OCONUS assignment. 

However, living in fear prevents enjoyment and embracing new experiences. 

A healthy amount of fear is a good thing, it brings out action and problem-solving. I can be an overly anxious person easily caught up in fear.

When the fear starts to overwhelm me, I sit down and talk to my husband. Addressing my concerns head on with someone always calms me down, and gives me perspective

Be open and honest with your fears to family and best friends.

Resentment

Feelings of resentment can destroy marriages and relationships. It’s like a tiny wedge that slowly grows. 

Moving is a trademark to military life. 

The statement “you signed up for this” is one of the worst things you could say to a military spouse.

It is highly insensitive. 

Tips that help manage the feelings of resentment when they start creeping in

I have seen first hand how resentment effects a lot of people in the military life. I have seen marriages topple. 

The first step is to be honest with yourself. Understanding your own desires, wishes and plan will help you articulate them with your spouse.

As a nurse practitioner who has worked so very hard in my career to land in aesthetics, moving around and taking breaks has not been ideal for my career. However, living overseas has given me the incredible opportunity and blessing to stay home with my two young kids. As much as I miss working, spending time at home has allowed us to be closer as a family. It has also given us so many opportunities to travel, which is one of my most favorite hobbies!

Be open and honest with your spouse about this move. They should be aware of your feelings, do not keep theses feelings to yourself.

Schedule a date night with your spouse and open up. 

Give yourself the opportunity to adjust to this new life

Doubting the decision of moving away from parents and friends

I considered combining doubt with fear, but I do consider these emotions fairly different. As a mom who wants to have some sense of control, doubt can easily creep in.

I doubt i will be able to have as good of a support system

I doubt we will love the new city as much as our current location

Overcoming doubt that comes with moving

This negative thinking can put limitations on this new adventure! Embracing the change gives you the opportunity to love the new life and make new friends! 

Struggles of moving away from family

Even if moving away is the best decision for you and your family, there can certainly be struggles.

Different time zones

Different time zones can make it harder to stay in touch. I always preferred talking to friends in the morning and on lunch breaks. That is not an option while living overseas. It takes planning and scheduling phone dates. 

My kids do not get to see their family

This is probably the hardest struggle of living far from family. I went through my entire pregnancy abroad and was unable to share the birth of our daughter with my best friends. Not to mention, most of my family and friends have not yet met our baby girl. 

For my son, we try to schedule frequent video calls. He also loves looking at photos. 

Aging family members

My husband and I both have aging parents, grandparents and relatives. Long distance relationships can be particularly challenging if they struggle with technology. There can definitely be a fear as to whether or not such a drastic move is the right decision. 

We stay in touch frequently and are constantly sending them photos- which they love! My husband really enjoys making video montages of our travels for them. 

Missing out on special events

Weddings, birthdays, graduations, even having babies are all special events you want to celebrate with those closest to you. It can be sad missing out on these occasions and life experiences. 

Send cards, flowers, and even gifts just to let your loved ones know you are celebrating them afar. 

Being Homesick

I think it can be easy to be homesick, especially when you are living abroad. Sometimes it is just missing the comforts of home. Living in Germany for my second pregnancy, I was particularly homesick. Often I was unable to satisfy my pregnancy cravings… which is super annoying. And between the language barrier, cultural differences, and labor and delivery, I really missed home. 

Talking to friends throughout this experience, and leaning on my husband really helped.

If you’re interested about my pregnancy and delivery journey, read these two posts!

Related Post My experience with living abroad while pregnant

Related Post Having a baby in Germany what to expect as a foreigner

Helpful tips to help you manage moving away from family

Manage expectations

This is great advice for life, it also helps alleviate disappointment

Stay positive

Positivity in your attitude will shine through. This is especially important for children. When you are excited and open about the move, other families will sense this as well. This is such a great tip for preparing your young children for a move. 

Give yourself grace and time to adjust

There will be an adjustment periods for you and your kids, and the length of time will vary for each person. Some days will also be harder than others. Give yourself the gift of time and grace.

Incorporate some comforts from home

Whether it is certain food, household decore or activities, find ways to incorporate them into your new life.

Start a new routine

As a stay-at-home mom, it is so important to have a routine that is maintainable and enjoyable. Incorporating new and exciting things and activities into your new routine can make it more exciting! Be sure to carve away time for yourself, consider adopting a morning routine that allows time for you!

Visit family members before the move

Before the move, try to spend some quality time with extended family and friends. Consider a going away party! Consider family visiting you! Plan a day out with some girlfriends! 

Check out these tips to help plan an afternoon or weekend away with some girlfriends!

Do something for you

Self-care should not be overlooked! Self-care allows you to be the best version of yourself. Pick up a hobby. Starting this blog has been a great sense of joy, and growth for myself- especially because I am currently unable to work. 

Related Post 45 Best self-care ideas for busy and exhausted moms

Surprising benefits of moving away from family and friends

The idea of living far from family can be daunting, but it can also be an incredible journey that allows you to expand your horizons. Once you can get past the guilt of moving away from parents, you can start to embrace all of the positive things!

Stepping out of your comfort zone

This can be relatively difficult, especially when you are going through a hard time and away from the comforts of home. But being forced to step out of your comfort zone can be one of the best things to do for yourself! It allows you the opportunity to try new things. You may just start surprising yourself.

Personal Growth

I just love this so much! The idea of growing as an individual is such an exciting concept for me. Stepping outside of your comfort zone and bubble provides you with so many experiences that allow you to overcome obstacles and to grow as a person! This is actually one of my favorite benefits of being a military spouse!

Related Post with Mission Milspouse A Unique perspective on the greatest gift of being a military spouse

Make new friends

It is so hard leaving close friends. Many are friends for seasons, while certain special people are friends no matter the distance. Moving to a new area gives us an opportunity to meet new people, and make new friends. 

Related Post How to make friends when moving away

Strengthen the bond with family and old friends

Distance really can make the heart grow fonder.  It is  really neat to see how the quality of some relationships continue to blossom with distance. It takes more work to stay connected, which can bring you closer together.

Improved quality time with your spouse and kids

Aside from the COVID lock downs, moving to Germany and living on the economy has given us the gift to focus on each other, which can be incredibly difficult when you are married into the military, Our marriage has become stronger while living overseas, which is such a beautiful gift.

The opportunity to better your life

Taking that leap of faith, buying that plane ticket, moving to a big city, or applying for a new job, these can all be scary decisions that lead to incredible opportunities! 

Experience a life of adventure

We have had our fair share of challenges living in Germany, but we have had incredible opportunities to travel Europe. We have explored incredible countries such as Italy, Greece, Germany, Austria, and more with little kids. These experiences and memories are something to be cherished forever. 

Final thoughts on moving away from family

Consider this an exciting opportunity! Even if you are moving away from family with a baby, there is so much to look forward to. Despite the challenges, shifting your mindset and accepting this next chapter as an adventure can be wonderful for the entire family!

I would love to hear about any of your experiences with moving away from parents and friends! How was your experience taking the leap

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