Are you wanting to establish a great relationship with your mother-in-law? Here are some great tips to help strengthen that bond and manage long periods of time with them.
As a military family, we move every few years, uprooting our lives and starting new chapters, often moving away from family and close friends.
Having their help during deployments is a huge blessing. The extra set of hands is always a great welcome when you have kids. And let’s be honest: everything happens during deployments…The deployment curse is a real thing!
While living in Germany for our OCONUS assignment, we can go a long time without seeing extended family. Because of this, my mother and mother-in-law have visited and spent several weeks at a time. As amazing as this blessing is, spending weeks to months with a mother and mother-in-law in your home can be a bit much when you want your own space.
The relationships between parents and mothers-in-law can be complicated, to say the least. There are so many family dynamics!
Building a relationship and strengthening the bond between you and your mother-in-law can be an incredible blessing for you and the entire family! Here are some great tips to foster a new relationship with your mother-in-law and, hopefully, one day share a strong bond. Think of how wonderful this relationship will be for the kids!
Ideas to help you bond with your mother-in-law
Cook together
If the relationship is a bit fragile or tense, cooking together can be a great start; it is such a unique opportunity and one of the best ways to bond. Start by working side by side, even if you two are cooking in silence. Consider it a chance for a great start. At the end of the day, you will prepare something together.
Hopefully, you will reach a point where y’all look forward to cooking together! Think of all those family recipes that can be passed down and shared within the family!
Include your little children in the kitchen! Baking cookies is one of our favorite cooking activities to include my toddler.
Related Post Tips for Cooking with your toddler
Talk about family
Moms love talking about their kids! Allowing your husband’s mother to reminisce about her children can be the nicest way to spend some quality time. You may even learn some funny, endearing, or embarrassing stories about your spouse! This may even provide a safe space for her to open up about her personal life, enabling you to get to know her a little better.
I love hearing stories about my husband and his upbringing.
Go for a walk
Walking is a beautiful outdoor activity to share with your in-laws. Generally speaking, walking releases endorphins, which help you feel good. Use these endorphins to your advantage!
End your day with a nice walk after dinner. Because I have two small children, we incorporate walking into our daily routine. Including the kids helps them bond with their grandparents!
Giving your kids the opportunity to form a good relationship with their grandparents is one of the most important things you can do for the entire family.
Bond over a hobby
Hobbies can be so much fun! Finding a hobby you can enjoy together can give you some common ground.
Ask you’re mother in law to help in the garden
Are there any crafty hobbies you two could do together?
Related post: Perfect hobbies for busy moms
Plan a family game night
Family game nights can be a great way for everyone to loosen up. Family activities can also be an excellent opportunity for your in-laws and spouse to share some of their favorite family games. You may even have a new appreciation or insight after seeing the dynamics of the family relationships during these family activities!
Have a spa day
This can be a perfect opportunity to enjoy a little bit of self-care and pamper yourself. If you don’t have the opportunity to visit a spa, have a spa day in!
Enjoy facials while giving yourselves mani and pedis!
This relaxing environment may provide a safe and intimate space for honest conversation.
Incorporate traditions
Your spouse’s family has their own traditions; be open to them. Your spouse will likely want to continue some of their traditions as well. Showing interest in these traditions can act like an invitation, opening the window for a relationship.
Traditions can make special occasions and family events much more memorable and are such a great thing to pass on to your kids!
Tips to help you get along and form healthy relationships when spending time with your mother-in-law
Manage expectations
Expectation management is key! My husband has been saying these words since we married, and they hold so much truth! Go in with an open mind and heart. Having decreased expectations can genuinely help you have a better attitude when things aren’t going that great.
Establish boundaries
This was probably one of the best advice I have ever received. Set the ground rules in the beginning. Parents tend to give unsolicited advice, even if they mean well. Let your mother-in-law know that this is your own home and family. And you want to parent in your own way. Establishing these boundaries, in the beginning, can actually create mutual respect, especially when you will be spending a good bit of time with your mother-in-law.
Show appreciation
When we had our new baby in Germany, my mom and mother-in-law visited one after another. Honestly, living in Germany, we have had more visitors than when we moved to North Carolina!
It has been so wonderful to have family members travel across the world and spend so much time with us.
Having my children’s grandparents stay connected has been such a blessing.
But… not having your own space for weeks or months at a time can weigh on any family member. Having a heart of gratitude will really help, especially when you’re feeling smothered. It genuinely helps with an attitude shift.
It can be hard to show appreciation for all of their help when your space is no longer yours, for weeks or months at a time.
Have patience and give grace
This is probably one of my most significant points of frustration. There is a way I would like to have things done in my family, and it can be challenging when parents and in-laws want to do things their own way. Sometimes, I just need to step away and take a deep breath- be more patient. Understand that this season is temporary, and give everyone grace. For whatever reason, spending time with my mother-in-law for a long time can be stressful- and that is okay!
Related Post How to be a more patient mom
Consider their feelings
One of the hardest things about military life for families is moving. Putting their feelings in perspective is a good exercise; I am sure being so far away from their grandkids can be quite hard.
Related Post: How to deal with the challenges of moving away from family
Related Post Tips for moving with a toddler
Check-in with your spouse
I believe that living overseas has really helped my marriage. Because we don’t have all of the distractions (As wonderful as they may be) from home, we are more marriage and family-focused.
For sure, having family members live with us for chunks of time has put a little marital strain on our own lives. How we have managed this is through frequent check-ins. Often, just showing emotional support, understanding, and appreciation with each other is enough to pull us through.
We prioritize a date night where we can openly discuss our feelings and any strain we may feel. These vulnerable discussions truly make us a more united front. This is so important for our mental health!
Final thoughts on spending that quality time with your mother-in-law
Having other people in your space for long periods of time can feel crowded, no matter who they are. It truly is a gift when they can come and help support you, especially when your spouse is away. Family dynamics are always complex, especially when you are married into them.
Take it day by day. Hold on to hope that a healthy relationship can develop and blossom.
Have you had mother-in-laws stay with you for lengths of time? How did you foster the relationship? I would love to hear about your experience and any additional tips!
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Great tips for spending extra time with family members and in-laws. A family game night is a perfect time to enjoy some quality time, bond, and laugh!
Hi Debbie! Thank you for taking the time to read and leave me a comment! Family game nights can be so much fun. I think it can give you some insight into your spouses relationship with their parents
Hi Debbie! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! Family game nights can offer such a unique perspective of the relationship between your spouse and in-laws. It can be quite entertaining!
Beautifully written with so many wonderful suggestions on how to nurture your relationship with your MIL.
Thank you for the sweet words, Karen!
I appreciated this article for its practical and thoughtful advice on nurturing a relationship with a mother-in-law, especially in the context of a military family. The tips are not only helpful for managing extended visits but also for strengthening family bonds, which is crucial when frequently relocating and dealing with the challenges of deployment. It offers a great blend of empathy and practicality, acknowledging the unique challenges while providing concrete strategies to enhance these important family relationships.
Ann, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! I really appreciate this feedback and sweet words!
Great ideas! As a Mother-in-Law, I really want a good, loving relationship with my DILs and the same ideas you’ve mentioned work in reverse. In fact, we’ve been the ones moving around and it’s such a benefit to all to have these strong bonds. Family is so important and honoring them makes a huge difference. Thanks for a wonderful post!
Janet, thank you so much for the sweet comment. I really enjoyed hearing a mother-in-law’s point of view. Fostering strong family bonds are so important!
I love this. I have a strained relationship with my mother-in-law and pray for the day it improves. These are great ideas.
Thank you for sharing with me Michaela. That is so tough. I know so many people who have strained relationships with their in-laws as well. I hope one day you guys can bond over an experience and start establishing a sweet relationship!