Disclaimer: These are tools that I have found to help for myself, and are not coming from a professional
I used to consider myself a patient person, but motherhood has proven me otherwise. Having a two year old, I still consider myself a new mom. In all honesty, I struggle with how to be a more patient mom more often than I would like to admit. I’m still trying to navigate the waters of motherhood. Every few months there are new milestones and challenges. By the time I’ve figured out one thing, it changes! It truly is a learning process.
My little boy is just a firecracker of energy, and full of opinions. He is growing more into himself every day, it’s incredible to see.
Currently as a stay at home mom, I have little time for myself. As an extrovert, it’s challenging to find the time and opportunity to recharge.
I am finding that being a mother and a spouse, especially a military spouse offers challenges upon challenges.
I ask myself again, am I the only one struggling with patience with my toddler?
Why is it such a struggle to be a more patient mom?
Some days are significantly better than others. I have started practicing self reflection and utilizing positive affirmations. On the days I do add these into my day, I actually have a better outlook and mood. I have girlfriends who are outstanding mothers, I consider them naturals at motherhood. And they more often than not appear to have SO much patience with their littles. I have been making it a personal goal of mine to achieve a better level of patience, not only benefiting my son, but my husband and myself.
As I started self reflecting, I would ask myself some of these questions:
First things first- what’s going on with ME?
- Am I sleep deprived?
- Am I being heard?
- Do I feel appreciated?
- Am I having a bad day and why?
- Have I been neglecting self- care?
- Have I had a break, or a recent getaway?
- Am I struggling?
- How is my mood?
- Did the day start off rough with my morning routine?
These are just SOME of the introspective quetsions I’ve started to address. Sometimes my impatience with my toddler actually stems from myself. Although its humiliating to admit, it has been a helpful assessment.
Bad habits that lead to impatience
Some days it can be so easy to snap! I will immediately feel awful about it too. I try to vocalize an apology with a hug. It’s during these times that I doubt myself as a patient parent. I have notice that I struggle with how to be a more patient mom when I’m not taking care of myself. These bad habits more often than not are the culprit. These bad habits may often answer the burning question of why am I so easily angered with my child.
Well, if this isnt the biggest culprit, I don’t know what is! Let’s face it- as a momma of a toddler, I feel like I’ve been sleep deprived since the new born phase! Do a self check. Are you getting enough sleep? And of course, is your little ones getting enough sleep? If my little one has a horrible night of sleep, he is super fussy the next day. This often leads to a day filled with struggle and struggle. And of course, be patient can be that much harder.
A great article from The Sleep Foundation on the amount of sleep your little one needs: Read here
Not sticking to a routine
Little kids thrive on routine! Routine also helps break up the day. Having a flexible schedule can also help break your day into segments. This can be beneficial for your mental health. Our day starts with a morning routine, that really helps start the day off right.
Neglecting self- care
Recall that saying “you can’t pour from an empy cup”? There is so much truth to this. It is impartivite to take care of yourself to be a more patient mommy. Here are some helpful self-care tips that you can easily incoporate into your daily routine.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Motherhood is a struggle, for SO many reasons. And we all struggle in different ways! Don’t compare yourself to other mommas. It used to make me feel so self conscious when I would compare myself to others who were crushing the momma game. Be weary of social media, it may only represent the best of the best.
Neglecting “me” time
This can easily be tied into self- care. Make sure you have a little bit of time set away for some “me” time. This can be so challenging! There are just not enough hours in the day, and always tasks like laundry and dishes that need to be done. Try to incorporat it into your day, even if it’s for 30 minutes. If you can plan a mommy getaway , that would be very beneficial!
Not exercising or having an outlet
Something as simple as going for a walk can offer so many benefits. Not only does it give you an opportunity to clear your head, but it also releases endorphins. To read more on the benefits of walking, check out this article from the Cleveland Clinic.
Not speaking up
This is one of my hardest bad habbits. I want to be as self suficient as I can be, and I have difficulties asking for help. Speak up, let your significant other know that you are struggling. They may not realize you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Some helpful tips on how to be a more patient mom
What sets me off?
Once I have taken a look at myself, I next look at my triggers.
Do I have any particular triggers that I am aware of?
Are there any pet peeves that I am more sensitive to than usual?
Am I feeling hypersensitive?
Triggers, and how to address them
Once I realized there were triggers, the next step was figuring out how to address them
- Writing them down
- Positive affirmations and self talk
- Take a moment to step away
Consider my childs point of view
Once I started considering my two year olds point of view, my outlook changed significantly.
Why did he have his meltdown?
Often enough for my little one it’s lack of communication. He is a little delayed with speech, so we rely heavily on signing.
Understanding his cues have been very helpful in this department.
Coming to the realization that he isn’t having a meltdown to intentionally make my day more difficult.
Accepting that having big emotions are okay, and he has yet to learn how to control and regulate them. I feel like I’m still learning how to regulate mine.
A reminder to not take my child’s attitude personally. I have found that when I lose my cool, he will often reflect back on my attitude. It’s a vicious cycle, and nothing positive comes from it. It is important to have appropriate expectations of your child.
Keep a postive perspective
Being a mother is a gift- a gift that I cherish with my entire being. Being married to a supportive husband, and having my own family, my dream became a reality.
It’s so hard to be absorbed by the challenges and the lows that life presents. As a military wife these challenges come in an abundance.
Having a positive perspective can really turn a negative attitude around.
How I help keep a positive outlook
- I look at my son, and cherish him completely
- I look at how blessed I am to have a family
- I loved working, and do miss it. But spending this time at home with my son is absolutely a gift. It is time that I will never get back.
- Every day is a NEW day.
Have a plan for the day- but keep it flexible
I love having things to do, keeping my toddler entertained alieviates the boredom.
Reach out to others
Believe it or not, other mommas are going through the same thing! Sometimes just hearing that you are not alone in this can be very liberating!
Find yourself a tribe, one that you can be completely honest and transparent with. It is okay to ask for help. If you’re struggling, let them know. Be vulnerable and ask them, how to be a more patient mom.
Be a support for them as well!
I strongly believe that routines are so important, for both kids and mommas. But, the key to having a great routine is one that allows flexibility. My son is so strong willed, that we often have to cut certain segments out, due to meltdowns or time constraints. Flexibility is what makes these routines work. Being married to a strict routine can cause additional stress that can lead to impatience.
Start the day with affirmations. Look in the mirror, and tell yourself that you are doing a good job! You’re a great mom, and doing your best. Be sure to say affirmations with your kids.
How to be a more patient mom during the moment
What happens when you in the moment and about to lose your patience? Here are some helpful tips.
ask for help
For myself, we are currently stationed in Germany. We are FAR from family. Like many military families, we don’t have that family village. Surround yourself with a community. Establish a foundation based on honesty and trust. Reach out to your fellow mammas and ask for their tips on how to be a more patient mom. In the moment that you’re about to lose your patience, be sure to ask whoever is with you for some help,
I could just beat myself up for all the many many many mistakes I’ve made as a mommy- but ultimately what good does that do?
Give grace to your spouse, your children and yourself! This will open up the window to be a more patient parent.
Speak with a calming voice
When your child is having a meltdown, aknowledge the feelings and speak with a calming voice. Yelling often escalates things. Speaking with a calming voice can actually help your little one calm down faster.
Take a time out
Step away. Even for just a couple of minutes.
Splash your face with some water.
One of my favorites- go outside! Even if I feel like I need to be completely alone- taking my little one outside can be refreshing enough to change both of our moods.
How to be a more patient mom: Things to consider
Are you doing your best?
Are you doing everything you can to provide a safe environment for your little one?
Is your little one thriving?
Have grace on yourself! Remember that at the end of the day, we are all human. What we can do, is try to learn and grow.
I really wanted to take this opportunity of vulnerability to open up about myself and my struggles. I hope that it may be beneficial to you as well.
Do you find that you ever struggle with impatience? I would love to hear any tips and suggestions that work for you! I would love to hear your feedback!